


Shredded

by mystyrust



Category: Danny Phantom
Genre: Character Study, Comedy, Crack Treated Seriously, Gen, Hilarity Ensues, The Irony is strong in this one, but then it does a 180 and goes the other way real quick, exploring wes and his motivations etc, inductive reasoning gone wrong, sorta?, wes decides to tell the giw that fenton and phantom are the same, you think this fic will go one way
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-04-11
Updated: 2020-04-11
Packaged: 2021-03-01 16:49:09
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,742
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23600335
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/mystyrust/pseuds/mystyrust
Summary: Tired of people not believing him, Wes goes to the one group that might actually listen to what he has to say - the Guys in White. Maybe this time, someone will believe him when he says Fenton and Phantom are one and the same.It does not go how you think.
Comments: 28
Kudos: 125





	Shredded

“It’s so obvious! He looks just like Phantom but with his hair inverted!”

“Sure, Westurd,”

Wes used inductive reasoning, instead of deductive reasoning, to come to the conclusion that Fenton and Phantom were one and the same – but because he lacked solid proof, no one believed a word he said. But soon, that would change – the Guys in White were offering a reward to anyone with any information on Phantom. And information was Wes’s greatest asset.

Wes followed the link on a flyer he saw hanging around Casper High, and filled in his information on the form. A couple days later, he got a confirmation phone call, giving him a time and place for an in person interview, as well as the compensation rate for his time.

Wes aspired to be a paranormal researcher in the future – to be part of a study or research so early in his career would do wonders for his college applications! The Fentons had done wonders for the field of Ectobiology, and he would not let Danny’s masquerade mess with people’s perception of ghosts. Ghosts were dangerous! Phantom was so “different” from ghosts because he _wasn’t_ a ghost – he was a human pretending to be one! The sooner people out there find out, the sooner Danny will stop messing with things that could endanger his own life and the lives around him.

Wes drove up to a nondescript building at the edge of Amity Park, 15 minutes early for his interview with a GIW representative. He parked his car and walked inside, looking for the exact suite. Wes expected the walls of the office suite to be decorated with abstract paintings, just like the walls in his father’s office were, but instead…

Informational posters about ghosts! Descriptions of ghost cores and ecto entity levels! Fascinating research even beyond the Fentons’ original published work! Wes wished he came earlier, so that he could read through all the information – guess he’d just have to settle for taking photos on his phone and reading them later.

What caught his attention was a poster specifically about Phantom. Wes rolls his eyes – Phantom’s demonstrated “strength” and ectoplasmic power could be faked with a number of Fenton technologies. He used the Fenton Thermos, for goodness sakes! It took less than two brain cells to see the connection between Fenton and Phantom. Well, with GIW intervention, Danny can stop messing around and let the real professionals handle the ghost problems of this town.

The next poster talked about how the GIW dealt with ghost problems. Containment. Eradication. Some not so pleasant descriptions of the anti-ghost measures that are used in those processes, which have no effect on humans. While most ectoentities are contained and eventually released to the ghost zone, those above a certain threshold are kept for experimentation, Wes noted.

Interesting experiments, Wes thought, that classified the element of a ghost’s core, determined their ectoplasm regeneration rate, and dissections that determined their internal anatomy and the function of ectoplasm in ghost physiology. The list of procedures was described in brief detail, and Wes read them with the same level of clinical interest that a college student might have when reading papers about frog or mammal dissections.

It’s not like they were gonna dissect Phantom or anything – he was alive! Dissections were for organisms that were already dead.

How did dissections work for ghosts? They were already dead, too.

Well, only ghosts that are at a high enough ecto entity level are classified for disse– Phantom was classified as a level 7 ecto entity. The highest level yet.

If they think Phantom is a real ghost, then they’ll try to…

Oh shit.

Wes could _not_ let that happen.

If he could just prove to them that Phantom isn’t a ghost, then they’ll drop it…probably?

The alarm on his phone rings, reminding him that he only has 5 more minutes till his time slot. Wes speed walks through the hall and finds the suite he was supposed to go to, and signs in with the receptionist. Then, he sits and waits his turn.

It’s too late to run away…Wes will just have to play this by ear. It couldn’t possibly turn out that bad, Wes was probably worrying over nothing.

“Wes Weston,” A voice calls from a door behind the receptionist. It doesn’t surprise him that he didn’t have to wait long – his name was the only one signed in on the receptionist’s clipboard, and the parking lot looked fairly empty. Wes gets up, and follows his interviewer – a tall, lanky man wearing a white suit – to a room farthest down the hall. Wes sits inside a nondescript room, a single table with three chairs – one of which is already occupied by a broad man wearing a white suit. Wes sits across from the occupied chair, while his interviewer sits next the white suited man. A camera is already set up across the table, catching Wes and both of his interviewers in frame.

“I am Agent K,” the man who escorted Wes says “And this is Operative O. We will be conducting your interview today.”

“For the record, please state your name,” Operative O instructs.

“Uhh…W-Wes. Wes Weston.” Why did this feel like a procedural drama?

“How old are you?”

“16”

“And what can you tell us about the punk Danny Phantom?”

Oh boy.

“What do you guys do to ghosts you capture?” Wes starts. The two white suited men stare at each other for a brief moment.

“We make sure they never make menace of society ever again.” Agent K pushes back his glasses.

“Through any means necessary.” Operative O flexes his large muscles just a bit, as he folds his arms across his chest. Wes did not like the sound or implications of that.

“We know how some of the youth think about Danny Phantom,” Agent K says with an annoyed tone. “But really, you’d be doing society a favor. With any and every bit of information, we can make sure he’s never a menace again.”

At best, Phantom would get taken in for tests and let go when discovered a fraud. But these guys were not from the Research and Development branch of the GIW – they were definitely more in the realm of _pest control_.

“So, back to the original question: What can you tell us about the punk, Danny Phantom?” Wes was surprise they even bothered to answer his question – he wasn’t used to being listened to, and most interviews tended to be exclusively one side asking questions of the other.

Wes had made up his mind. But his mouth was working faster.

“I heard Phantom has a six-pack. That he’s shredded.”

Wes has to control himself from smacking his head on the table.

“…go on,”

They were buying it?!

“H-How else do you think he can lift so much and do so much damage with a single punch?”

“Because he’s a level 7 ecto en–“

“Because he hits the gym!” Wes interrupted.

“Think about it,” Wes continues, before letting any of the interviewers get a word in edgewise. “We can find Phantom if we narrow down which gym he goes to. He always fights ghosts in the day, so he _must_ go to gyms in the night. That begs the question – does he have a gym membership?”

Operative O is engrossed, while Agent K is skeptical.

“If he doesn’t have a gym membership, and he hits the gym at nights, he must go to a gym that isn’t open 24 hours. If he does have a gym membership, he must go to one that is open 24 hours.” Wes knows enough about the gyms in the Amity Park area because of how often his brother goes there for training. 

“Regardless, you have to check security camera footage at gyms for white haired people working out.” Wes points out. How far can he take this?

“But what if he wears a wig when he works out?” Agent K asks. It looks like Wes can win him over, somewhat.

“With the amount of calories he’d have to burn in battle and work out to lift as much as he does? No way. Not worth the hassle. White is definitely his real hair color.” 

Wes tuts his finger against his chin, deep in thought.

“But what if he’s bald?”

An awkward silence.

“You’re bald, Operative O, and I’ve never seen you and Danny Phantom in the same place at the same time.”

“Punk, what are yo–“

“Just kidding!” Messing with these guys was surprisingly easy, and Wes had them eating out of the palm of his hand. “Back to Phantom’s behaviors. He also owns a cell phone, and posts selfies while flying.”

“We can cross reference records of phone purchases and data plans to pinpoint him!” Agent K notes down.

“For his phone to work, he’d have to have purchased it legally. Which means his gym membership is also probably legal. Now, let’s narrow down our clues. How many people have the free time to work out in a gym at night, and have the enough money to pay for their phone and gym membership, and have white hair?”

Wes paused for dramatic effect, watching the gears in their heads turn. Since they aren’t locals of Amity Park, Wes decided to give them the answer.

“There’s just one person that fits that criteria: Vlad Masters.”

Vlad was the local asshole, living in the gated community to the north of Amity Park and trying to run for mayor. It was no secret that the youth of Amity Park didn’t like him – while trying to push for legislature that implemented curfews and restricted teenaged presence in public locations, Vlad made himself a target of every teenagers hate in Amity Park. If there was one enemy that Wes and Danny Phantom had in common, it was Vlad.

“So Vlad _is_ Danny Phantom!” Operative O exclaimed out loud.

“Doesn’t he seem too old to play the part?” Agent K questioned.

“Ghosts can fake how they look whenever they want,” Wes rebutted. “It’s the first thing they teach us about ghosts.” Not 100% true – only certain ghosts can – but not a technical or grammatical lie either.

“Well, he does display an odd amount of interest in legislature regarding ghost activity in the town…”

“Alright, let’s go get this punk.”

Wes wasn’t even sorry.

The compensation that came with that interview was _very, very_ sweet.

**Author's Note:**

> pls pardon any grammar or english tense errors i wrote this so fast and just wanted to get it out there!  
> and thanks for reading!


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